Trust Me

trust

such a powerful word

yet wielded wrongly at every turn

in the right hands,

trust brings a lot

it can bring faith

it can bring security

reassurance

confidence

knowing

certainty

maybe even hope

but i've seen it in a whole different light

trust that brings doubt

trust that brings fear

hurt

paranoia

disbelief

pain

but most cunning of all

deceit

to see trust misplaced

in a way that plants seeds of hurt

that brings tears

and pain that knows no measure

that only the tree that grows over the wounds

will know what it is

and carry its burden

in the lines etched on its bark

as the leaves mourn with every gust of the wind

and the branches ache with fatigue

will you be the one to water this tree

having planted its seed in the first place

where will you be standing

to watch this tree grow

alas

that honor is mine to seize

i spit on your lacks

i despise your faults

i loathe who you are and what you have done

for all your wrongs

and every time you stood by it

and your attempts at defending yourself

and i pity the fool that is you

and as i step back

and look at the bigger picture

the doubt arises

the fear

the paranoia

the uncertainty

have i trust enough to fully take on this honor?

have i trust enough in Others who can help me?

have i trust in her?

have i trust in me?

how far back do i have to go

to unearth the girl beneath the tree

only with You

will i dare

only in You can i trust

that being a part in growing this tree

is one which does not involve me

so my trust is in You

that i can step aside and watch in trust

that she will trust You in the same

and may the tree stand tall

and sing praises to Your name

forever and always

Numbers 32:23

today's message was brought to you by the word : HELIUM

just desserts...you'll like this

he could stand pain, himself. he just couldn't stand hers. [pp-458]


when you loved someone, you put their needs before your own.
no matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces. [pp-403]


'do you know what it's like to give your whole self to a person, and your whole heart to boot, until you've got nothing left to give - and then realize that it still isn't what they need?' [pp-335]


'listen to my voice and i shall be your God, and you shall be my people' Jeremiah 7:23


'a new heart also i will give you, and a new spirit will i put within you' Ezekiel 36:26


'...one day i kind of looked at her, and i didn't just see Em, i saw this really beautiful girl. and, well...you know'

'were you intimate?'

'do i have to tell you if i don't want to?'

'you don't have to tell me anything at all'

'well, i don't want to'

'but you loved her'

'yes'

'and she was your first girlfriend'

'well, pretty much, yeah'

'so, how do you know? how do you know that is was love?'

'there was an attraction, but it was more than that. once, we broke up for a while. i started hanging around with this other girl who i'd always thought was really hot. anyway, we started going out places and fooling around a little and every time i was with her i realized i didn't know her too well. i'd hyped her up in my head to be so much more than what she really was. when Em and i got back together, i could see that she had never been less than what i'd figured her to be. if anything, she was always better than i remembered. and that's what i think love is, when your hindsight's twenty-twenty, and you still wouldn't change a thing.' [pp-129]


if there was a smile, it was just hiding something you can't see....
and if you didn't see a smile, that was just because i couldn't.



here's to recent developments, past expositions, the one and Emily

today's message was brought to you by the word : PACT

oh my word.

never did know you could type up your blog post in 5 different indian dialects

imagine the surprise when your words turn into things you don't understand
and yet it would seem so familiar
as though the same muses
the same inspirations
contributed
to a different result
a catharsis of sorts
like a windmill that goes round and round
without knowing why
there are the ups and there are the downs
and being able to truly be there for every moment
to see and feel

makes all the difference that life holds

for what good is it
being all over the place
only to not remember
to not be remembered
to not be acknowledged
acclaimed
unappreciated
to have the moments pass you by
the confidante of memories
a privilege forsaken
life being the menagerie of emotions
of feelings
of hopelessness and of lost
of faith and of trust
of disappointment and anger
of rejection and frustration

of relief

life is all about the memories
make them at your own risk
place priorities that you may see where you really stand
ro-sham-bo your way to freedom
be liberated
live

find it all
store it up
like a collection
to view and peruse
at a later time

for truly
what else is there?

today's message was brought to you by the word: NEGLECT

an ode to Grace

like the embers that once was
from a coal as darkness is
what once was solid and strong
strikes now as brittle and fragile
and yet what could do such a thing
save a fire that burns from love

i see these hands of mine
and look at it crumble
to feel it break in my fingertips
to know if not for me
all this would be unavoidable

how fragile it is now
from what once was
that what set out to strengthen and fortify
has become the shattered link

pick up the bones
erase the burn
find it once again
bring in your joy
and realize from your depreciation
another will appreciate so much more

you liar and hypocrite
pick up your bones
that you may seek solace
in this terrible, terrible dance of yours

depreciation

oh woe is me
the victim of a depreciation

isn't it amazing how
you can just look at something
and see its value in a way that no one else understands?
see the worth that is beyond its outward appearance
see how important it can be
how great the potential for it
the vastness of how far it can reach within your heart
and think that you'd be willing
to bend over backwards to attain it
achieve it
grasp it

to even just touch

but lo and behold
here comes the difference
the second opinion
the worry of what the public might think
the look on your face when you realise its not as ideal as you think
the backlash of gossip
the burn of knowing you jumped too soon
judged to early
not out of prejudice
but out of hope

and as beauty was once in the eye of the beholder
the value that once was in that eye
has all but whittled away
to be left with the impression of beauty of another

and
to have left something depreciated so
to have hurt the feelings of one that was appreciated
to cut it down at its knees
and bring its esteem crashing to the floor
to turn its whole world upside down
out of your own selfishness
can not compare to the scorn that is deserving
should the depreciation
be initiated by you
and by you alone
and by you alone
only can all scorn fall
for that would be worthy of your avarice

to have your value adjusted by others
in due times of inflation and crises
but to adjust the value yourself
in search of something else that looks more valuable

oh the woe is on you



today's message was brought to you by the word : MAGNANIMOUS